Dashiell

At long last, an update

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 06:59:41 GMT

I noticed something the other day. Morag, Max, Mango, Mazda, Mickey (she died) ... we're the M Family. Everyone except me. So I told mom and dad (or, as I now call them, "guys") that I need an M name. They told me that before I came out of mommy's tummy, they used to call me Murgatroyd. Sounds good to me, I said; we need to let everyone know that I want to be called Murgatroyd now. "So," I said to dad, "Could you send everyone an email?"

Funny how my vocabulary has expanded to include words like "download" and "delete", along with the ever-popular, "Can I play a game on your iPhone?"

Hello, everyone! It's now been well over a year since I last updated this - for which I totally blame mommy and daddy. After all, I'm only 4 3/4. I still need a little help.

So to make up for lost time ...

July - I spent a week with Auntie Ann-Marie and her family, much of it at their lovely Quebec cottage. God-sister Taryn looked after me and I got to play with their train set! Mommy and daddy who?

August - Exciting times! Many cousins came to visit - William and Matthew, Adrienne and Nicholas. Picnics, the islands, the CNE ... the fun never stopped! Also that month, we took a plane ride to see Auntie Hope get married, and I met more distant cousins on that side of the family, spent time with grandpa, and got a ride on Sister Marge's scooter. Another visit to Auntie Ann-Marie's cottage, a stop at the Shawville Fair with Taryn and of course the Ottawa Folk Festival. What a busy month!

September - My love of trains continued. Also, after Daddy and I spent most of the summer having "meetings" at the park - it all paid off with the first annual Grove School Jamboree in September. The Grove Community School was about to become a reality!

October - A weekend at "the fun place" (Delawana Inn) where I went on canoe rides and hikes, ate well and did lots of fun things with my friends. For Hallowe'en, I was a clown. Mommy is no clown makeup expert. Once again my candy disappeared at an alarming rate. I am starting to cotton on to something.

November - Wow! The Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade in New York City. We walked around the night before watching all the balloons getting ready, and the next day saw them in all their glory. I love NYC! Also spent time playing with my friend Alexander, and mom and dad woke me up one night so I could witness history by seeing Barack Obama elected president!! Now there's just one bad guy left that we have to get rid of, right here in Canada.

December - I spent the month at daycare practising for our pageant, where I had a starring role singing "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" with the rest of my class. Once again, we spent the holidays with William and Matthew, and their mom and dad, in Okemos, MI. Santa fulfilled my wish and brought me a toboggan for Christmas! I loved it. And I got to visit grandpa again too.

January - We got together with the Montreal gang, always a good time. And later, we went for a ride on a big boat, to the Barack Obamas ... I mean, the Bahamas. We stopped in Nassau on Inauguration Day, and visited a place called the Straw Market looking for an Obama t-shirt, where I told a lady what I knew was happening that day. This seemed to amuse her and she told all the other ladies in the market that a little boy just said, "Barack Obama is kicking out George W. Bush today!", which made me a celebrity for the next half hour.

February - (OK, I'm drawing a blank here. Isn't February usually just best forgotten?)

March - Visited Auntie Barbara, Finn and Drew in Los Angeles! Trips to Santa Monica, Venice Beach, Seal Beach in La Jolla, and of course, Disney Land, where I got to meet Mickey Mouse. Life was good (if a little exhausting)!

April - A visit from cousins William and Matthew and a trip to the sugar bush. And, we went to Ottawa where we saw lots of mommy's and daddy's old friends, and I ~~got ordered around by~~ had a lovely time playing with Marika's daughter, Athena.

May - A trip to Montreal for Shaheen's birthday, the John Lennon exhibition, and a barbeque at cousin Rachel's! Also ... even though my mommy is dead set against me doing competitive sports, unless the sport happens to be ballet, my daddy snuck me out one day and enrolled me in a soccer league for 4 year olds like myself. I was on a team called the Oilers and I loved kicking the ~~other children in the shins~~ ball around. At first, it looked like I had inherited my mommy's athletic dorkiness (haha -ed.), but soon I caught on and by the end of the season I had even scored some goals.

June - Another haircut. Really, mommy, one haircut a year, is that too much to ask?!

July - I said good-bye to my old day care and some of my old friends, as I switched to a new daycare located in the school I'd be going to come fall. It was sad and exciting. And then, at the end of the month, there was a whole whirlwind of family excitement! First Auntie Nancy and cousin Elias came to visit all the way from Switzerland - family I had never met before. Elias and I hit it off right away, becoming best friends and sharing a room, with Elias reading my bedtime story each night. I'm sure he loved that just as much as I did! Then we all went camping - along with a whole bunch of other aunties, uncles and cousins ... in fact, mom said it was almost a whole family reunion! I don't really know what that means, but I do know I got to hang out with all my cool older cousins, sleep in a tent with them, swim, play, hike, roast marshmallows, and basically forget I had parents for two days!! Pictures here, here and here as well as in my gallery.

August - Had to say good-bye to Elias and his family ... hope I get to see them again soon! Back at home, I loved riding to the new daycare in my bike trailer behind daddy.

In September, The Grove Community School (an alternative public school) came to life, and I started school! I'm now in afternoon Junior Kindergarten, which, in actual fact, means I get walked upstairs to a different classroom for three hours in the afternoon and then back down to the daycare afterwards. I'm not even entirely sure what's school and what isn't. But I know I like the new daycare better than the old one. Why, you ask? Is it the quality YMCA programming, the wonderful organic hot lunches, the stimulating environment? No ... it's no naps! Of course all the kids take a secret oath never to tell our parents anything (it's training for adolescence!) so when mommy and daddy ask me what I did at school today I just say, "I don't remember." Don't tell, but I've come to a compromise with mommy - if she gives me enough "clues" I'll give her a few hints. Sometimes I tell her sadly, "School was fine, but I think the learning part must be in the morning because I didn't learn anything today." Still, I love my teachers, my new friends, Marni's 'expressive arts class,' the Grove Gatherings, and the field trips!

This Hallowe'en, I couldn't make up my mind what I wanted to be. First I said I wanted to be tree, then a skeleton, then the Easter Island statue from Night at the Museum. I know my friends have parents who spend hours and hours and hours making elaborate Hallowe'en costumes for them. My cousins Nicolas and Adrienne had super cool homemade Caillou and Tinky Winky costumes, which must have taken tons of research, preparation and craftsmanship. In the days and weeks leading up to Halloween, I saw my mummy and daddy spend hours and hours and hours on their iPhones and computers, presumably researching costume ideas for me, ordering fabric and materials online, etc. But maybe the stuff didn't arrive on time because just before the big night, I was dragged to a big store and told to choose a costume hanging on the racks. There wasn't much of a selection left but I found a really cool wizard outfit, with a nifty trompe-l'œil face on it. Then I went to a Hallowe'en party at school, and all my friends were there in their elaborate, homemade costumes. One of them came up to me, gave me the once over and pronounced his verdict: "Creepy!" So it just goes to show that homemade and creative is highly overrated. Or so my parents keep telling me.

At school, we had a really fun event called the Wild Rumpus, based on one of my favorite books, Where the Wild Things Are. The whole school dressed as wild things, then we gathered in the gym where the teachers all read the story, followed by a spirited game of "Wild Rumpus Hokey Pokey," then we all went on a parade to the local park where a fun-filled days of activities were planned. Unfortunately, as the parade made its way to the park, it started to rain, but everybody decided to plod on. The best thing of all is that my mommy uncharacteristically took time off work to march in the parade and join in the fun at the park. Us kids had a blast, even when it started to downpour, but the mummies and daddies didn't look too happy about the meteorological turn of events. As the rain came down, they roared their terrible roars and gnashed their terrible teeth and rolled their terrible eyes, pleading to take the party indoors, but us kids said, "NO!" So we went to the park and did crafts, made potions and had music and dancing until mommy finally had to go to work, dripping wet. I said, "Mommy, please don't go, I'll eat you up, I love you so" but mommy said her bosses are wild things who would send her to bed without supper if she missed a whole day of work. Still, it was fun to have her there for the entire morning.

To celebrate mommy's birthday and Thanksgiving, we spent the weekend at another "fun place" that has kids activities, wagon rides, canoeing on the lake and an indoor swimming pool. For years, whenever we were at a pool or lake, I didn't exactly take to the water like a fish. Maybe it had something to do with the time when I was standing at as swimming pool with mommy and daddy when I was a year old and they were ignoring me, probably playing on their hiptops or something, and when they looked up, I had fallen into the pool. After that, the only time I could be coaxed into the water was when daddy gave me a ride on the "Maxi Taxi". But this time at the "fun place", the water was wonderfully warm, and they had these noodles to play with ... so I jumped in the pool with them and the next thing you know, I was gliding through the pool like a dolphin all weekend, even in the deep end.

My new aquatic ability must have convinced daddy that my athletic abilities run deep, because he snuck out once again when we got home and enrolled me in indoor soccer this winter. He hasn't told mommy yet. In fact, he says that whenever we head out to a game, we have to bring something called a tutu and pointe shoes with us while whistling music from Swan Lake.

Man, my parents are weird!

**Many thanks again to Auntie Amanda, who took back control of my site after it was hijacked a few months ago by hackers. Those hackers need a time out!

Foreign Adventures

Sun, 29 Jun 2008 22:03:48 GMT

"Dashiell York, Dashiell York, where have you been?
I've been to London to visit the Queen.
And Dashiell York, Dashiell York, what did you do there?
I was almost beheaded for sitting in her chair."

Well, to be fair to me, even though I can write very well, I still can't read signs saying "Keep Off", so when we visited the Windsor Castle throne room and Daddy pointed out the Queen's chair, I wanted to see if there was a mouse under there like in the poem. So I slipped below the rope, looked under the throne and, seeing no little creature scurrying about, I was just about to sit myself down to rest on the plush throne which has hosted every monarch's regal butt since Henry VIII, when Daddy grabbed me and pulled me back. Luckily the Queen was off at the Ascot races for the day because he said she would not have been amused.

It was just one of my many adventures on our recent trip to London, but even though Mommy is always saying that she wants me to grow up to be a queen, the royal itinerary wasn't why I flew 3,000 miles over the pond. As I kept telling Mommy and Daddy, I wanted to go to England to meet Mary Poppins and Paddington Bear. Sadly, although I scanned the sky regularly, I never did see a lady hanging from an umbrella. But I did find the aforementioned bear when we visited the train station named after him. Alas, I do not like marmalade sandwiches, but it was very exciting nevertheless.

Other than Mary and Paddington, I guess mommy and daddy don't have many friends in London so we spent most of our time visiting different places. We ...

- went to the London Zoo and saw lots of animals, including
mommy's favourites, the giraffes;
- saw a puppet show on a puppet barge;
- frolicked in the meadow at Hampstead Heath;
- shopped at Camden Lock and Portobello Road market;
- checked out London from up in the sky (or at least up in the Eye);
- took a boat ride down the canal;
- saw statues of famous people (besides Paddington, I mean);
- and, my personal favourite, rode lots of trains.

I humoured mommy and daddy with the tourist stuff, like Piccadilly Circus and Big Ben, but made sure I got in some of the more important kid things too, like bubbles and swings.

But the trip to England was just one of my many globe-trotting adventures since I last blogged. Only a couple of weeks before, we hopped briefly down to New York City with Auntie Brick, where we had a lovely visit with Auntie Linda and a very nice dinner with Auntie Tanya and Uncle Steve, where I was fascinated by Uncle Steve's expensive new Etch-a-Sketch toy, which he called an iPhone. They tell me it does a few other things too. I plan to ask Santa for one at Christmas!

"Dashiell, eating peas", by Tanya

And, just to make the NYC trip extra memorable, I also quite abruptly potty-trained myself in the two or three days we were there. After politely ignoring all suggestions from mommy and daddy and the daycare teachers, for the last year or so, to give them any kind of hint when I was wet, needed a new diaper or might benefit from a trip to the bathroom, I picked the weekend in NYC to suddenly begin making firm announcements: "I need to go pee!" It took them a couple of days to get the hang of it, and the daycare teachers a couple more once we got back, but since then we've done perfectly, with nary an accident (aside from overnight) in weeks. As with essentially every other developmental milestone in my three and a half year history, from weaning to walking to ditching the soos, I simply waited till I was ready and then acted accordingly. I don't know how long it will take mommy and daddy to figure it out.

And speaking of three and a half years, it's almost time for my annual summer garden and cocktail party, taking place at our house on Sunday July 27 from 2:00-5:00 pm. Hope to see you all there!

Uncle Dave, please get well soon. I feel your pain.

Historic Day

Sun, 11 May 2008 22:14:47 GMT

First haircut

Before After

Well, today was an historic day! My hair has been growing ever since I was born, except for a couple of times when grandma cut my bangs. Mommy has always loved my long hair so I didn't like to complain but lately when people have asked -- if mommy wasn't there -- I started to admit that I wouldn't mind shorter hair. Then one day mommy was nearby and daddy asked me the same thing: "Would you like to have your haircut, Dash?" I demurred a bit then looked at mommy and said, "Is it okay to say yes, mommy?" And when she said yes, the truth came out! So I guess in the end, she loves me more than my long hair.

Today was the big day and we went to a special hair cutting place for kids. Mommy recorded the historic event for posterity. Afterwards I got a lollipop in my favourite colour - green - and told daddy I wasn't traumatized to lose all my hair.

In other news, daddy has built a new pond in the garden, and we added three fishes named Swimmer, Kleenex-Blower, and Chopping-Down-Leaves. (Why yes, I did name them myself, why do you ask?) Speaking of swimming, the drains in our house recently stopped running properly. For some reason, mommy and daddy asked me if I'd put anything in the toilet.

"Just my penguin," I told them.

They got all excited. "You put a penguin in the toilet?!"

It made sense to me so I kindly explained it to them. "Well, I had to see if they could swim."

"Did you put more than one??"

"Yes."

"How many?"

"Um ... four?"

So then lots of plums came to visit (what's that, mommy? oh, sorry - plumBERs) and now everything is fine again.

Even more exciting, though, was a couple of weeks ago when Uncle Ian and cousins William and Matthew stayed with us for a few days. We had a great time playing outside in the last of the snow and the first of the spring, and watching movies on the computer together. Can't wait to see them all again this summer!

Right now I'm having a playdate with my friends Antonia and Felix. Now that it's warm again, we're back to the park almost every day, and making lots of plans to visit cousins and friends in many cities. Hope we'll be able to see you all soon. Oh and ... happy mother's day to all the moms and quasi-moms out there!

RIP

Sat, 12 Apr 2008 22:34:54 GMT

Winter Adventures

Mon, 11 Feb 2008 04:41:42 GMT

Many thanks to everyone who came to my birthday party a couple of weeks ago! It was great to see you all and celebrate with so many family and friends. I've been wanting to thank you all individually but even now that I'm three, I still need mommy and daddy to help with the writing ... and those two recreants have been AWOL for the last week. Luckily for me, Grandma was here to look after me and we had a great time together. Most of the time I didn't even notice anyone was missing but every now and again I'd get a little blue, and then the conversation would go like this:

Me: I miss mommy and daddy.
Grandma: Where are they?
Me: In Cuba.
Grandma: And what are they going to bring back?
Me: Lots of presents and cookies!

And I'd cheer right up again. They finally showed up this morning and I was so excited I forgot to even ask about the ~~bribes~~ presents and cookies. (Though I'm happy to report that they did come through on that score so they aren't complete reprobates.)

Big, big thanks to Grandma and Kleva for looking after me - and also to Dina and Auntie Brick for entertaining me, and to Willa and Ken for entertaining Grandma!

[ CLICK HERE TO PLAY VIDEO ]
"Dashiell Boy"
(WMV, 7.75 MB)

One (of many) things Grandma has that mommy lacks is a lovely singing voice. Over the last week I've learned many classics. You can see our duet on "Dashiell Boy" (some of you may know it as "Danny Boy") above, and here we are harmonizing on "Hush Little Baby".

Going back a little bit, we had a lovely Christmas in Michigan with Uncle Ian and Auntie Amy and cousins William and Matthew, as well as Uncle Geoff all the way from Beijing (and a couple of weeks before that, we also celebrated Hanukkah and lit the menorah candles every night with Auntie Corinne). I had so much fun playing with my cousins that I barely saw the grown-ups, I got to spend time with Grandpa Mel and Suzanne in Chicago (and at the fabulous Chicago Children's Museum), and I put on skates for the first time ever!

Santa Claus fulfilled my greatest wish by bringing me a Jack in the Box. For months before, whenever mommy or daddy or Santa Claus or anyone else asked me what I wanted for Christmas, I only had one answer: "A Jack in the Box." People would say, "OK, and what else?" But I had nothing else to suggest. All I wanted was Jack. And on Christmas morning, there he was!

"Do you know what Jack's last name is?" I asked mommy and daddy. "No," they said, so I told them: "It's In The Box!"

After that it was off to Montreal for cousin Hannah's birthday and lots more fun times with family and friends, especially cousin Emma. Hannah actually had two birthday cakes so she very generously donated one to me and I got my first chance to blow out three candles. And then - because my daddy ~~never passes up a chance for free food~~ would never fail to celebrate milestones in the Van Nooten-Touati family - it was on to Ottawa for Alysa's party and a birthday cake made just for me by Nana. By the time we got to my own party in Toronto and birthday cake number 3 (which I picked out myself), I had my role pretty well down pat.

Remember last year at this time? Any birthday that doesn't include a daddy on life support is a birthday to celebrate!

On top of blowing out candles, I also had to keep telling everyone how old I am now. (You'd think the three candles would have tipped them off.) And after that the next comment was always, "You're so big now!"

"Yes," I'd say. "Big enough for my feet to reach the ground."

Many thanks to everyone - in Okemos, Chicago, Montreal, Ottawa, Toronto, and Australia! - for all the wonderful gifts and toys. I don't think I'll be bored for a minute in 2008!

In other news, all the best to Auntie Corinne, who has graduated from school here and moved back to Ottawa. I'll miss you!

RIP Mickey
1997 - 2008

Christmas 2007

Tue, 25 Dec 2007 06:30:09 GMT

Happy holidays everyone!

I hope you're having a wonderful day, wherever you are. I'm having a great time here in Okemos, MI with my cousins William and Matthew and lots of other family as well. I'll post more about my adventures soon (meanwhile, lots of photos in the December gallery).

All the best to everyone for a joyous 2008!!

My mind, at work

Sat, 01 Dec 2007 18:53:25 GMT

Daddy: What stories do they read to you at day care?
Me: The stranger story...
Daddy: Oh, "Never Talk to Strangers"?
Me: Yes.
Mommy: A teaching book?
Daddy: Yes. Dashiell, "Never ... " ?
Me: " ... talk to strangers."
Mommy: Dash, what's a stranger?
Me: A camel.

Every night:
Mommy or daddy: Let's brush your teeth.
Me: No, I want my teeth to fall out.

The theme:
Mommy or daddy: Why is [any puppet, stuffed animal, or lego character] sad?
Me: Because he wants his mommy or daddy.
M/D: Where is [he/she/it] going?
Me: Home to his mommy and daddy.
M/D: What are they doing?
Me: Looking for their mommy and daddy.
M/D: Why is he crying?
Me: Because he wants his mommy and daddy.
M/D: What does she want?
Me: Her mommy and daddy.
M/D [while I'm pushing a toy shopping cart]: What are you shopping for?
Me: A nice mommy and a nice daddy.

Third Hallowe'en

Sat, 03 Nov 2007 18:53:31 GMT

The Witch and the Dragon

First Hallowe'en Second Hallowe'en

Hi everyone. I almost forgot my annual Hallowe'en posting. And this is the first year that I actually kind of knew what was going on. For weeks ahead of time, I was telling anyone who asked that I was going to be a dragon for Hallowe'en. And then I cottoned on to the idea that candy was involved! And pumpkins!

This year Auntie Corinne is staying with us, and she had a big role in various events. She was in charge of jack-o-lantern carving and, although she encouraged me to join in on scooping out the insides, I wasn't very keen on the idea. "I'm finished!" I advised mommy after a couple of handfuls. "I'm finished. Need to wash my hands." That pretty well rules out brain surgery as a career for me (well, that and genetics), but the final product was definitely a work of art.

The weekend before the big night, we joined the annual Night of Dread, a parade of big, scary puppets that marches around our neighbourhood and ends with a sacrificial burning of all the things we "dread" in the coming year. I got into the spirit of things with my dragon costume, but it was hard to shake the feeling that something was coming after me.

Hallowe'en night was perfect, mild and just breezy enough to feel right. Daddy made the house look appropriately scary, along with a spooky soundtrack, and we left a witch on the porch to hand out candy, cackle gleefully (you could hear her all the way down the street!) and hand out glasses of port to the adults (appropriate since we live in the world's largest Portugese neighbourhood outside Portugal). Then I went out with mommy and daddy to visit the neighbours and reap rewards. With regular coaching, I remembered my three main lines ("trickertreat", "thank you" and "bye-bye!") fairly well, though occasionally I was so amazed by the whole process that I just walked up to people at their doors and said, "Will you give me candy?" And it worked. They did!

In the days since the big night, I've noticed that the big orange bag I brought home that night keeps getting lighter and lighter, and mommy has been bouncing off the walls pretty well nonstop. Occasionally, I actually get to eat something from the bag, after mommy and daddy spend a few minutes digging deep down to find something neither of them likes. Is there a diabetic out there who wants to adopt me?

Aside from all that excitement, things are fine here. I'm talking up a storm (when people ask how old I am, I proudly answer, "two and three kwatters"), looking after myself more and more, and helping Auntie Nora bake cupcakes. I've finally figured out what that "puter" thing is good for - you can watch great songs on it, like The Teddy's Bear's Picnic, Rubber Duckie, and Free to Be ...You and Me. I can almost understand why mommy spends all her time on it!

We're looking forward to seeing grandma soon in Montreal, when she comes back from her backpacking-across-Europe adventures safe and sound - I hope. And then in December we'll be heading to Michigan and Illinois for more family visits and adventures.

Hope everyone is well and we'll see you soon!

A Day in the Life

Sat, 28 Jul 2007 01:30:27 GMT

Hi everybody. I turned 2 1/2 this week, and now that I am practically all grown up, I thought I'd share with you a typical day in my life:

Waking Up
Lately I've been sleeping more than 12 hours every night. My teacher thinks it's because I'm undergoing a growth spurt (as if I need it). I sleep so long that often Mommy has already gone to work by the time I wake up. Of course, none of them know how long I really sleep because I usually wake up without a peep and sit on my bed quietly reading a book until Daddy finally checks on me.

[ CLICK TO PLAY VIDEO ]
(WMV, 2.88 MB)

And speaking of beds, have I mentioned that I graduated from baby "nursery" to toddler room? Note all the Dora accoutrements!

Breakfast with a Little Help from My Friends
You've all heard of dinner theatre? Well, I prefer breakfast theatre.

[ CLICK TO PLAY VIDEO ]
(WMV, 3.52 MB)

Doing the Daycare shuffle
After breakfast, I head to daycare where I get to practise my dance moves with my classmates.

[ CLICK TO PLAY VIDEO ]
(WMV, 2.71 MB)

Mommy, Daddy!
Often my babysitter Bunmi fetches me from daycare, but on special occasions I get picked up by both Mommy and Daddy, and I get very excited.

[ CLICK TO PLAY VIDEO ]
(WMV, 1.58 MB)

Dash & Yash
After daycare, when the weather is nice, I spend an hour in Dufferin Grove Park, where I often meet up with my friend Yash. It sometimes gets very confusing when our mommies call our names.

[ CLICK TO PLAY VIDEO ]
(WMV, 1.93 MB)

A visit from Grandma
On the rare exciting occasion, I get home to find Grandma visiting, and we usually sing a duet together.

[ CLICK TO PLAY VIDEO ]
(WMV, 2.77 MB)

Storytime
I hate going to bed, but I love storytime when Mommy and Daddy take turns reading to me from my extensive library until I fall asleep.

[ CLICK TO PLAY VIDEO ]
(WMV, 2.21 MB)

Mother's Day

Mon, 14 May 2007 01:06:20 GMT

Happy Mother's Day!
I hope everyone is treating their mommies as well as I treated mine today. In honour of this special day, daddy and I brought mommy breakfast in bed, which was pretty easy – a cup of coffee and three cookies. I proudly brought the plate of cookies to mommy, and helped myself to one as I handed it over. Um, and then another. What, she still got one!

Daddy also helped me send this mother’s day card with a heartfelt sentiment. Well, actually the message might have been a little less than heartfelt. When daddy asked me (with my mouth full of cookie), which I liked better: mommy or cookies, I answered unhesitatingly, “Cookies!” Then he asked which I liked better: daddy or cookies, and I replied, “Mommy!” I know which side my bread is buttered on.

We just got back from our long-delayed trip to Florida (we were originally supposed to leave just two days after daddy went into the hospital), where I had lots of adventures, including …

Going “up up in the SKY!” twice, and spending the three hours each time running up and down the airplane aisle, amusing passengers and annoying flight attendants.

Being accidentally locked in the car (by Mummy) with the windows up and no air conditioning on. The Club Med security manager wanted to smash the car windows to get me out but mommy and daddy held out for the police officer, who arrived with sirens blaring and unlocked a door with his slimjim. I thought the fire truck and ambulance were a little overkill, myself.

Getting some kind of 24 hour virus and a temperature of 103. Of course that happened on the one day that the baby club was closed and mommy and daddy had to keep me with them all day. So they didn’t mind that I slept in till 10:30 that morning and then spent all day curled up with them on the bed sleeping. “So this is what a baby that doesn’t spend every minute in motion is like,” I heard mommy say.

Swimming and sliding in the baby pool, watching movies at night (I still talk about “Happy Feet … penguins!” and “Me-mo”), doing the Dora “We did it!” dance, being a Tiger in the baby show, and be-friending fellow babies and baby-sitters alike.

Playing with peacocks (they roamed around the resort unfettered), spotting dolphins and watching pelicans fish in the ocean.

Seeing the ocean and ocean waves up close, although that was on the day I was sick and I don’t think I fully appreciated it.

Well, in other news, things are pretty much back to normal here, with daddy home from the hospital and doing well. I’ve had a couple of visits from Grandma and one from Uncle Geoff, as well as from Kate and Janet and, back in March, from Ann-Marie, Taryn and Lea. I’ve had a couple of sleep-overs with Ann-Marie and with Auntie Nora, and I didn't miss mommy or daddy at all!

Now that spring is here and I’ve had a taste of warm weather, I love to play outside, at the park or the playground, or just walk around the neighbourhood. I also love to play on grandma Brenda’s piano, which is now in our dining room. I’m talking up a storm and starting to get some abstract concepts, like “fun”, “happy”, and “funny”. I know all my colours, shapes, and body parts, count up to 11, recognize a few letters, sing the alphabet song and talk on the phone. I’m proud to be “a HELPFUL baby”, always happy to help mommy pick up toys and clean my room, and very good at following instructions. Most of all, I love books – I pick up anything, from my board books to mommy and daddy’s novels, flip through the pages, and have lots of my own books memorized.

Until next time,
Love Dash

Partying, Peeing, and Picking on Daddy...

Sat, 10 Mar 2007 21:04:39 GMT

As those who know me are aware, I’ve always been quite the party animal. But nothing compares to the party we had last Saturday, which was actually three in one: Daddy’s birthday, my belated birthday, and a coming home party for Daddy, after 6 weeks in the hospital.

My party was loads of fun, but I don’t think Daddy had such a good time at his, thanks to a bunch of meanies who seemed determined to persecute him, as if he hasn’t suffered enough in the last couple of months. First, they played a game called “Give Max the Injection,” in which blindfolded party guests had to stick a needle in a life-sized drawing of Daddy, who hates needles almost as much as he hates snakes.

Then, to add insult to injury, Anneke sang a song she wrote, dedicated to Daddy, called “Big Mouth Know-it-all.” Watch the video of the song here! In solidarity with my Daddy, I refused to participate in either bit of tomfoolery.

On a brighter note, Daddy can now walk without a walker or cane, albeit with a limp, and he even brings me all the way to daycare every morning, which takes a big burden off my exhausted Mommy. I hope you’re all suitably impressed that a 2-year-old uses a word like “albeit.” That’s just one of the many many words that are now part of my growing vocabulary, even including phrases like “Daddy’s cane,” “Thank you” and -- in response to, “How old are you?” -- “I’m TWO”. I’m also pretty good at animal sounds. You can watch a video of my animal sounds here, and I am pretty darn adorable if I do say so myself.

And speaking of developmental milestones, I came home from daycare the other day and proudly presented my parents with this certificate!

With what's happening at daycare, and the kind of presents people are giving me and the new things I see around the house these days, I think people are trying to tell me something...

Until next time...

Love,
Dash

An update!

Fri, 09 Feb 2007 05:03:10 GMT

Hello livejournal! On January 24th, I turned two years old!

I'm such a big boy now. I moved from my crib into a real bed where I love to sleep. I love to jump and run, sing songs, practice counting, read stories, and watch my girlfriend Dora the Explorer on TV. I'm talking up a storm. My favourite words are no, Dora, and PIZZA!

Daddy has been sick and in the hospital for a few weeks. I miss him very much, but Mommy and I are glad we've had help from our friends and family. I had so much fun while my grandma and my nana Margaret were staying at my house!

My friend Barbara also came over to my house and took lots of pictures of me. Mommy and Daddy say that Barbara won a Pulitzer Prize for her photography. I'm not sure what that is, but I do look very handsome in my photos, if I do say so myself.

I have a new trick - Grandma taught me how to give a big pretend sneeze!

Here is one video showing off my new skills. And here is a video from the blooper reel - even I can't get it right all the time!

I still go to daycare everyday where I have lots of fun. In the evenings my Aunt Caitie takes care of me before Mommy and Daddy come home from work. We have lots of fun together, even if I refuse to say her name.

Here is a video of Aunt Caitie and I doing "If You're Happy and You Know It."

Since everyone missed my birthday because Daddy is in the hospital, and Daddy's birthday is at the end of the month, we're hoping to have a big joint party when Daddy is back home. Now that Aunt Caitie is helping me update my journal, hopefully I'll be posting more often. I'll let you know the details about Daddy's party soon!

You can always see more pictures and videos of me at my website, http://www.dashyork.com

Love,
Dashiell

Where'd my candy go?

Sun, 05 Nov 2006 23:07:58 GMT

I know Halloween was 5 days ago, but my mummy and daddy were too hyped up on something they call a "sugar high" to post this before now. I don't know how they got that way because all I ever saw from my Trick or Treat bag were little cardboard boxes of raisins that my parents gave me after taking out a whole bunch of other brown, gooey, nut-filled things they said they were confiscating for "safety reasons," along with all the apples. Later, I saw them carefully tasting each one (except the apples). They told me it was just like in my children's book where the court jester tastes the king's food to make sure it's not poisoned. (That must be why I sometimes hear people refer to my Daddy as a "fool.") I sure am lucky having parents who would make that kind of sacrifice for their baby.

As for trick or treating, it took me a while to really get the concept. At the first house we went to, mommy pointed to the porch where our neighbours were waiting and said, "Go up there and say 'trick or treat'". Always happy to see new people, I toddled down the walk, up the steps, across the porch - and right through the front door, down the hall, and into their living room. I don't know why mommy looked so embarrassed when she came running after me and dragged me back to the front door.

When I went out with daddy, everybody whose door I knocked on said, "Oh, what a cute ladybug," and let me take extra treats. But that's not what Daddy said to Mommy when we were picking out my costume and he said a boy in a ladybug costume is something called a "cross-dresser." (Is that some kind of religious thing?)

Speaking of religion, I miss Maria, but am loving my new Catholic daycare. With all the other kids around, I pick things up so quickly. And the caregivers are teaching me all kinds of new things, like finger painting and crafts, as well as new skills like potty training, holding banisters, and brushing teeth. Mommy and daddy sometimes say that if they play their cards right, they may never have to do any real parenting again.

In other news, my vocabulary has expanded by leaps and bounds since my last update. Here are the words I can now say:
No!
Hi
Da Da
Ma Ma
Uh Oh
Num Num
Na Na (for banana and Margaret)
Shoe
Go
That
My first sentence: What's that?
And my latest word, picked up this week: Dora

According to parenting books, a 21-month old toddler should have well over 12 words by now and I can see my Mummy fretting a bit. But last week, Grandma paid a visit and brought me a puzzle with 15 different shapes. And right away I put all of them exactly where they're supposed to go. I also pointed out each picture on the puzzle correctly when asked. Since then, Mummy has stopped referring to me as "special" (although I thought that was supposed to be a good thing.)

Speaking of Mummy, she finally got a new job -- also in the government, doing policy work about people with disabilities. She is very happy because she wasn't enjoying her old job, which was working with a lot of numbers, and has wanted to get back into policy work for a long time. And best of all, she'll be able to spend more time with me!

As for Daddy, he just got finished organizing a big rally on Parliament Hill to help refugees, as part of the national Drop the Fee campaign he's been coordinating. You can read all about it here.

Compare

Wed, 20 Sep 2006 02:23:04 GMT

Daddy the poet

Tue, 11 Jul 2006 04:07:34 GMT

What daddy sings while he's changing me (and I'm playing with my toy dragon, Dudley and my rubber chicken, Charlie) ...

(to the tune of "Frosty the Snowman")

Dudley the dragon
Was a very studly dragon
A very very very very [ <== okay this verse is kinda boring]
very studly dragon

Dashiell the baby
Was a very studly baby
When people ask if he is gay
His mommy just says... "maybe"

Charlie the chicken
Was a very happy chicken
Until one day they fried him up
And called him finger-lickin

(latest verse)

Dashiell the toddler
His hair grew curlier and curlier
One day he heard his mommy's words ...
"Hooray, he's getting girlier!"

My First Pride

Sat, 01 Jul 2006 15:13:18 GMT

I have a dim memory of some kind of gathering at Zelda's about a year ago so I think this wasn't technically my very first Pride. But it was my first chance to really go out and sample the wares, as it were.

Not sure if the snake or the implants are more fascinating!

This year Auntie Naomi and Auntie Neelam and her friend Cynthia, who comes all the way from Mexico, took me out to romp through the Gay Village on the big Saturday of Pride weekend. It was a beautiful sunny summer day with lots of colour and stimulation and some of my favourite aunties. What's not to love?!

We started out our day at an Indian restaurant, celebrating not being gay men by indulging in a high-carb lunch. Where would I be without bread, crackers and cookies?

After that, we went to watch the Dyke march where I took in the sight of all those topless women with great interest and fascination. Mommy is hoping that's a reflection of my continued interest in boobies, rather than a signal of my impending straightness. Meanwhile, Auntie Naomi was happy to be mistaken for my mother when strangers started telling her what a cute baby she had.

After the parade, we joined the celebrating throngs in the Village. Auntie Naomi bought me a rainbow flag which caught my attention and I waved it around for about 25 seconds before throwing it on the ground. (Don't worry, I do this with all my playthings - it's not a sign of latent homophobia).

Then Auntie Naomi and Auntie Neelam decided it would be fun to use me as a prop in their photos of the colourful views on Church St. They handed me to any number of interesting people to pose for pictures. You might think I'd be surprised to be held by a human butterfly, a transitioning woman with a snake, a man with many piercings or a diva in a bar but me, I take all this in stride. And so did everyone else in the area. Except for the crowd that was already drawn to that striking woman with the snake - when she picked me up, all the cameras started clicking and whirring, right left and centre - a true paparazzi moment for both of us!

Finally, we were all over-stimulated and it was time to go back to Auntie Naomi's apartment for a rest. At least, they thought it would be a rest, but I'm not that easily tired out. So I entertained myself by throwing all of Auntie Naomi's worldly possessions into the toilet. (What? That's not what it's for?)

The next day we went on our first family bicycle excursion, with me in my bike trailer and Kleva along for the ride. First we went to Kensington Market and watched mommy's friend Sara's band, The Z-Rays, play out on the street. I danced, I clapped, I stole the money out of their guitar case. But that's okay, because then I paid them back in crackers.

Afterwards we headed down to the Martin Goodman Trail and biked west to lovely old Sunnyside Pavilion at Sunnyside Beach. I have to admit I fell asleep on the way there, so maybe I didn't get the full impact of a beautiful ride by the lake. But after letting mommy, daddy and Kleva have a bite to eat at the cafe there, I made a new friend and played excitedly on the beach, splashing in the lake, rolling around in the sand with my friend, and learning about science (sand + water = mud ... who knew?).

That night we all went home tired but happy. The first of many fun summer weekends no doubt!

Yes, I'm still alive!

Tue, 13 Jun 2006 03:27:11 GMT

It's been a long time since I've given you an update on my life. The truth is, I've been waiting till I had some major news to report. But I guess once you reach toddlerhood, the developmental breakthroughs don't come along so frequently.

Before I get to the updates, such as they are, I want to mention that we're having our annual summer garden party and BBQ on Sunday, July 23 - and you're all invited! More details later, but for now, hold that date ... and if you don't live in Toronto, maybe you can think about coming for a visit around then.

Back to me ... Well, I've been working on my walking, and by now I'm an old pro. I can even scamper down a hall, stay upright on uneven ground, and carry big things around with me. I also enjoy opening and closing doors (mommy and daddy will never have any privacy again!), as well as throwing toys, remote controls and other small electronic devices down whatever stairs I can find (for some reason, mommy and daddy don't find this as entertaining as I do).

I have lots of teeth and can eat just about anything. I like watching the Teletubbies, love to move to music, and can understand a few simple things. Like, the other day, after I pulled all the kleenexes out of the box, mommy told me to put them back in again - so I picked up each kleenex and shoved it into the box, pausing after each one to give myself a small round of applause.

My communication skills are also really coming along - I wish I could say the same for mommy and daddy. I talk non-stop now but most of the time they just don't seem to get it. Mommy keeps asking people when I'm going to start speaking, but maybe she should work on her listening skills! I can't help it if she doesn't understand my language ... Fortunately, I've found other ways to convey my meaning. I make sure they know when I'm hungry, tired, want a toy, or need a hug. It's just a matter of time till we start conversing in their language.

This is how I tell them I want more food

And, although Mommy seems to think I'm, let's say, delayed, just because I can't talk yet, Auntie Nora says I'm a genius, and she took this video to prove it:

[ CLICK TO WATCH VIDEO ]
"Dashiell-bo-Bashiell"
WMV (4.49 MB)

I was going to write a little essay about why I'm the best baby in the world, but mommy and daddy said that would be showing off. So I'll just say that everything is going fine with us. Mommy is very busy at work and sometimes I don't get to see her as often as I should. Daddy and I have lots of adventures on the weekends - going to the St. Lawrence market, garden centres and garage sales. Mommy has hooked up a little trailer for me behind her bike, which she uses to pick me up from Maria's on her way home from work - she says it's a lot easier than when she had to push her bike with one hand and the stroller with the other!

[ CLICK TO WATCH VIDEO ]
WMV (2.06 MB)

I've been able to spend time with grandma several times since she finished her big cruise with the penguins. I saw Alexander again at his birthday party, and I've also recently expanded my circle of young female friends - I saw my cousins Hannah and Emma, met daddy's friend Ian's little girl Clover, and had a fun visit from Athena, who's only a few months older than me. And I was fascinated to meet seven-week old Dillon last week … I'm sure I was never that young!

Now that I'm a mature toddler, I can take more of an interest in the world around me. I've noticed that our neighbours are all very excited about Portugal in the World Cup, honking their horns for hours after their team wins. Go, Tunisia!! I've been very happy to hear that Margaret, Shaheen and Jamel are all doing well and are on the mend. I hope the extended van Nooten family never has another year like that one. Also, happy birthday to Auntie Naomi, and big congratulations to Auntie Neelam on her new job.

And congratulations to Auntie Barbara for winning a Pulitzer Prize AND the award for International Newspaper Photographer of the Year, all in the same month! I'm very proud of you.

I hope to see everyone at the end of July, and next time I promise to update this thing faster!

New photo and video gallery

Wed, 29 Mar 2006 05:22:58 GMT

Auntie Amanda still loves me! She made me this beautiful new photo and video gallery to house all my pictures and videos. Isn't it gorgeous?

I hope you enjoy it. Besides being pretty to look at, the new photo and video galleries have a couple of advantages. For one thing, I can list more folders and small pictures on one page so you can see more at a glance (hope it doesn't slow your computer down too much). For another thing, the newer pictures and videos come up first, so you can tell right away if there's anything new. And finally, if you feel like registering at the gallery, you can comment on individual pictures or videos, if you want to (click on the specific pic or video and scroll down the page to see the comment box).

And finally, it's going to save mommy and daddy tons of time on keeping my records up to date, so now they'll have lots more time to spend with ME!

Many, many thanks, Auntie Amanda!

[ TO WATCH VIDEO ]

WMV (1.15 MB)

If it doesn't work, you may need to install DivX if you don't already have it -
PC users here, Mac users here.

Also ... thanks to Auntie Nora and her sister Suzy for this new video!

(You can just click on the regular links to "My Photo Album" and "My Videos" to get to the new gallery. If you have any technical problems, please let me know.)

The end of babyhood

Thu, 23 Mar 2006 03:10:04 GMT

[ TO WATCH MOV VIDEO ] or [ TO WATCH WMV VIDEO ]

MOV is 1.81 MB (bigger, clearer) // WMV is 0.45 MB (smaller, fuzzier)

Right-click to download. If it doesn't work, you may need to install DivX
if you don't already have it - PC users here, Mac users here.

I'm walking! Auntie Amanda was right, it didn't take long after I started standing on my own. Now I'm not a baby any more ... I'm officially a toddler!

OK, I know I'm not exactly proficient yet, but still, is it nice for mommy and daddy to start talking about Frankenstein's monster every time I try out my new skills?

Just give me a few days. Then I'll be able to get in as much trouble as I want and make a quick getaway before mommy and daddy catch me in the act. And when they interrogate me, I'll just blame the cats.

Ch-ch-ch-changes

Tue, 14 Mar 2006 05:08:12 GMT

Beautiful birthday sweater made by Auntie Fiona

A lot has happened since I last wrote. To start with the most important ones first, now I can stand up by myself (for a few seconds) and I have about six teeth! I'm hardly even a baby any more ... just as soon as I take my first step, I'll officially be a toddler.

But let's back up a little.

I had a wonderful time turning 1 with all my friends and relatives. Many thanks to everyone who helped me celebrate. I even got my first birthday poem from Anneke, part of a great Van Nooten family tradition - which I guess makes me officially an honourary member now. You can watch Anneke read her poem on my video page, or just read it yourself.

In early February, we took another one of those rides up in the sky and this time when we landed it was warm out. Mommy and daddy said they were on holiday, but life was pretty much the same for me, only warmer. They just lazed around, but I was busy every day in the baby club and after that was over, I had a lot of work to do in the playground.

Splish Splash
[ DOWNLOAD AVI ]
4.50 MB. Right-click to download.

My showbiz career continued, as I starred in the baby show, picked up a baby club award, and won over new fans. We also met some new friends, Chris and Jennifer and Ford and Eliza, and Eliza kept me entertained over dinner. Speaking of dinner, the food was amazing and I got to try just about everything. That's when I learned that what I really like best is meat. Forget baby food, what are teeth for if it's not to chow down on some real food?

Right after we got back, mommy went back to work full time. Now I only see her first thing in the morning and then again at night. Oh, wait a minute - that's when I saw her before too! She says she misses me these days ... gee, mommy, maybe you should have paid more attention to me when you had chance!

I still go to Maria's every day, and have lots of fun there. Once in a while I cry when daddy or mommy walk out of a room, but most of the time I don't even notice. I still love water - playing in a pool or just taking my bath in the big bath. I'm getting the hang of most of my toys and like to point things out or give things away (as long as I get them right back). I still don't talk much (in words you guys understand) but I manage to get my needs met!

Next up - Taryn and Lea and Bessem and Alysa are visiting this week! I'm sure we'll ~~get into lots of trouble~~ have lots of fun together!

Birthday party

Mon, 30 Jan 2006 22:29:04 GMT

Party games
Thanks to everyone who came over to help me celebrate my first birthday yesterday! There were so many people to play with that I hardly saw mommy and daddy all afternoon. I had a great time and hope everyone else did too. There's lots of pictures up in the January folder of my photo album (and there are also a couple of new videos on my video page).

As you can see, we had lots of fun playing party games and I had a little help blowing out the candle on my birthday cupcake. Thanks to everyone for all the wonderful toys, clothes and gifts and for all the good wishes and hopes for the future.

In other developments, my verbal skills are advancing almost as quickly as my written ones! Whenever I eat food, now, I say "Num num!" repeatedly, and I don't use that phrase any other times. I say "da da da" and "ma ma ma" pretty much indiscriminately but the other day, when mommy left for a while and then came back into the room, I crawled right over to her and said, "Ma ma! Ma ma!" So she's considering that to be my first word.

I'm still bigger than average - although I'm just 12 months, I wear a size 18 in clothes. I eat all kinds of food - mommy and daddy just give me some of whatever's on their plate now.

Sometimes when daddy asks me nicely, "Where's my nose?" I show him. (You'd think a grown-up would know by now, sheesh!) My all-time favourite thing to do right now is climb up stairs - I could do that forever! And I'm just starting to get the hang of certain toys, like putting a ball in a hole and watching it fall down the tracks (there's also a video on my video page of me doing that). I also love it when mommy and daddy push me around the ice rink in my stroller when they go skating after the Friday Night Supper at our park. While they push me, I lean forward in the stroller and try to pump with my body to make the stroller go faster and faster! My favourite song is "Play That Funky Music (White Boy)" although those rocking Sesame Street songs on my toy guitar are a close second ... whenever I hear exciting music like that, I start rocking myself from side to side along with the rhythm.

I can't wait to see what adventures await me in my second year!

One year

Tue, 24 Jan 2006 06:43:28 GMT

That was a mighty tasty cake Margaret made for me!

It's one year today since I was born! And what a year it's been. If you've skimmed through my journal or talked with mommy and daddy, you know what a busy, fun, exciting and adventure-filled time I've had in the 12 short months that I've been alive. I've had an amazing year getting to know everybody and I think I've finally started to get the hang of this living thing. Here's to another fantastic year with all our friends and family!

Mommy and daddy also want me to put in something very serious on this momentous occasion. They explained to me that by the time they decided to have me, they were no spring chickens (not that I know what a spring chicken is, or even a chicken for that matter) - and starting a family when you've already been around for a long time on your own isn't always easy. They knew it was a scary venture they were embarking on (though not as quite as scary as "Prime Minister Harper") and mommy especially was pretty nervous about the whole idea of being a mommy.

That's why it's been so wonderful for us to have so much love, support and help from all of you, our family and friends. From being excited when you first heard I was coming, to getting us all set up at three different baby showers, to visiting me at the hospital, to giving mommy lots of encouragement and advice so she didn't feel so scared at the beginning, to letting us stay at your home even if I cried in the middle of the night, to hosting parties for us, right through to spending time getting to know me, taking me off mommy's and daddy's hands for a little while to help protect their sanity, and even just reading this journal and taking an interest in my accomplishments -- each one of you has made me feel welcomed, loved and supported.

So from all of us in the fledgling York-Wallace family, a huge thank you and much love to:
- Grandma, and Grandpa, and his family
- all my real aunties and uncles - mommy's brothers and sisters, daddy's brother and sister, and all of their families
- ALL my Qaffie Aunties, and other fandom friends
- all the van Nootens and their families, especially Margaret and the van Nooten/Touati family
- the whole Julien/Dollighan/Carbone family
- the Nanasi clan
- all mommy's Ottawa friends (wherever they may currently be)
- all mommy's and daddy's Toronto friends
- all daddy's Montreal friends, and his globe-trotting friend and fellow muckraker, Ian
- the extended Marcus and Clowes families
- all daddy's CKCU and Folk Festival friends
- my godmother and godfather
- mommy's work friends
- mommy's and daddy's activist friends and fellow rabble-rousers
... and anyone else who's interested enough to read this thing!

Hope to see many of you on Sunday!

-Dash (AKA Emmett & Murgatroyd)

Ottawa party!

Tue, 17 Jan 2006 17:14:51 GMT

Alysa is kindly allowing me to tag along on her 10th birthday party so we'll be celebrating one year and 10 years on Sunday, January 22, from 2-5 pm, at Alysa's house. We're going to try and send invitations to everyone in or around Ottawa who may be interested but if you want to come and haven't received one, please just drop me a line!

Many thanks to Alysa and her family for hosting the event ... I'm really looking forward to seeing everyone there!

Turning one!

Mon, 16 Jan 2006 22:00:58 GMT

Next week I'll be one year old! I can't believe I've been alive for almost one year already ... it seems like just yesterday that I was being born.

I hope I'll be able to celebrate my first birthday with many of you. Unfortunately, we've had to move the date of the Toronto party - it's going to be on Sunday, January 29th (not Saturday the 28th) from 2-5 in the afternoon, at my house. I hope that doesn't mess up anyone's plans.

There may be a party in Ottawa as well ... stay tuned for more if there is.

[ DOWNLOAD WMV ] or [ DOWNLOAD AVI ]
WMV is 3.07 MB (smaller, fuzzier) // AVI is 14.17 MB (bigger, clearer)
Right-click to download. If it doesn't work, you may need to install DivX if you don't already have it -
PC users here, Mac users here.

In other news, Auntie Amanda sent this great video of me with her and Auntie Nora back in September, when I was about 8 months old. Thanks Auntie Amanda! Now I know for sure I'll never forget either of you.

I'm a star!

Thu, 05 Jan 2006 16:54:50 GMT

My showbusiness debut!

If anybody out there is a children's rights lawyer, please contact me immediately. A few months ago, my Mommy and Daddy took me to have my photo taken. They're always whipping out their damn camera and making faces at me to get me to smile, so I didn't think anything of it at the time, even when they made me wear a goofy looking hat indoors. But then this morning, Julie Nanasi was leafing through the new Sears Spring/Summer catalogue and she recognized a familiar face on page 538. Can you say exploitation? I mean, did I ever see any of the mounds of money they must have received to pimp me out to the world of showbusiness? Next thing you know, they'll have me hanging out at Neverland with Michael Jackson while they ride the rides and play with Bubbles the Chimpanzee. And I'm not quite sure what it means, but I could swear I heard them talking about sending me off to work for Nike when I turn 5.

Hellllppppppppppppp!!!!!!!!

P.S. My cold's all gone.